- Only liberals want to help the poor. This is obvious. Conservatives, like their Republican parents, are all white, old men who support "big business" and "hate the little guy". Big businesses obviously hate the poor, I mean, look at the tabacco companies! It's their fault people are dying of lung disease from smoking! (Well, no, poor people aren't forced to buy or smoke cigarettes that we've known for YEARS AND YEARS will poison and blacken your lungs but...um...) YA BIG BUSINESS = EVIL! Don't forget that only liberals create any non-profit organizations (not that anyone could think of one) to help the poor and they are the only politicians who want any funding for the homeless or needy...
- Only liberals believe women should be able to do "what they want with their own bodies". As opposed to conservatives, who think women should be chained barefoot in the kitchen, liberals think women should be able to do anything they want. Women have the right to go bra-less, be drafted, and abort babies and no MEN can say anything about it! (Again, painting conservatives as exclusively white, old men.) This ignores the other side of the argument that while going bra-less might--well, we'll leave that discussion to the kitchen tables...ok, abortion is more than a woman's body. It's a second body, half the time another woman's body, involved. It's interesting that women only have rights to their body after they're outside the womb. You can be of an age where you CAN SURVIVE outside the womb (in an incubator or something) and many people still argue that you still do not constitute a life. One of my most extreme liberal friends argues that you need to be ON YOUR OWN completely to be considered alive. Her logic eliminates anyone using a breathing machine or an artificial heart I suppose.
- Only liberals care about the environment. This is demonstrated by bumper stickers, t-shirts, and driving hybrid cars. It also involves throwing rocks at police at G-20 and WTO conferences to punish, again, big business and anyone who is abusing the environment. Liberals don't create any garbage, they recycle everything, and if they could eliminate unnecessary conservatives the polar bears would still be living and global warming wouldn't kill everyone by 2012!
- Only liberals deserve free speech, because only they are completely tolerant of every other view. Like Al Franken "I think some people hold [G.W.Bush] in high esteem because they watch Fox. And they get their news from Rush Limbaugh. And they are fooled." Fox News and Rush Limbaugh don't deserve free speech, we don't agree with them! “The irony upon irony of this lawsuit was great. First, Fox having the trademark 'fair and balanced' -- a network which is anything but fair and balanced. Then there's the irony of a news organization trying to suppress free speech." You'll note that no liberal has any issue with any other news organization but Fox News. Or Michael Moore, "I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a 'deserter.' What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants." Remember, only conservatives are disrespectful of presidents..."These bastards who run our country are a bunch of conniving, thieving, smug pricks who need to be brought down and removed and replaced with a whole new system that we control.” Hey Michael, any intelligent words on any ISSUES?
Is it any wonder so many people my age, who aren't informed on any real issues, want to be liberals? Geeze, if I wasn't indoctrinated by CNN and MSNBC and every other news source added together and divided by the number of sources for one particular story, I wouldn't know anything!
I mean: Find one story from every perspective (CNN - yuck, MSNBC - THey admit they love Obama, Fox News (oh my gosh, so like, biased), BBC (YEAH, the BRITISH) and then take the average of information you get from them all. And you're probably somewhere near the truth. Well, here's hoping.
I'm just saying, I'd be a liberal if I didn't know any better.
~CM
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